I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
