Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
