its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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