Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't EVER smell your tampon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
