Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
