I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
