She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
