Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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