dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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