so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
