i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
