Banned from zoo.
Again?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
