What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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