in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
