i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My balls are so social today.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
