the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
