Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
