I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
