i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
