Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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