I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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