i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
