I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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