Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
