Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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