I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
