I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
