i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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