you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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