While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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