I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
