saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
