Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How external is "for external use only"?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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