yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
