it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
