I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
