The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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