walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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