I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
