Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
