She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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