i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
