there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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