Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
