I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
