Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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