things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
someone owes me an orgasm
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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