I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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