I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
