Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
