votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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