A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
