I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
